I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
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