Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
Randomize
