I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
