So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
But break dance skills will only take you so far
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
