It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
