i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
Randomize