True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
Randomize
