Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
Randomize
