i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize
