i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
Randomize
