There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize