A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
Randomize
