My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Randomize
