Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
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