Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
