Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
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