i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
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