i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
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