Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
