Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
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