Don't you send me to vm
So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
Randomize
