just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
