His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
they call him Oral-B. enough said
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Randomize
