I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
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