she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
