oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
Randomize
