Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
Randomize
