Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
Randomize
