: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
