you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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