You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
