I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
Randomize
