walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Randomize
