I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
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