I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
Randomize
