O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
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