cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
Randomize
