I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
I think your dad took our porno
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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