Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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