When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Randomize
