pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Randomize
