i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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