I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
you win again, gameday.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
Randomize
