I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Randomize
