Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
