Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
