Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
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