Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
time to smoke my breakfast
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
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