i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
