every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
Randomize
