i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
Randomize
