I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Randomize
