so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
Randomize