if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
Randomize
