pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Randomize
