so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Randomize
