She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
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