Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
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