i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
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