Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
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