brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
Randomize
