I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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