1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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