This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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