so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
Define "chronic" masturbator.
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
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