Got a toothbrush?
were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
Randomize
