Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize