he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
Randomize
