very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
Randomize