Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
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