I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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