So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
Randomize
