Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
NoShamevember. You game?
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
Randomize
