I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize